Even When it Hurts

Our former pastor, Matt Chandler, would often reference in service, “You never know when you’re going to get the call that changes everything.” I grew up fortunate to never have any of those phone calls. I honestly never thought that I would be the one to get a “call,” let alone understand what the receiving end would feel like until last Sunday, September 19, at 6:08 P.M. The call lasted only nineteen minutes, from my mom (and sister). My mom started off conversation like she normally does, light and easy, then began to let me know that she had been feeling out of breath, couldn’t carry anything heavy, and went to the doctor to get everything checked out. She said, “The doctors ran a CT Scan, and it didn’t come back good. The doctors said stage four gynecological cancer…they’re thinking ovarian.” The doctor later confirmed it is in fact ovarian cancer, stage four.

“Hold it together,” I thought as I paced back and forth on my back patio. That maybe lasted a split second before I was dead silent. Not because of the pure shock, but because it was the uncontrollable, ugly cry you do when you don’t want anyone to hear the downright obnoxious, bust-out balling that is about to come out of your mouth. It happened anyways. All of the questions/comments, “How can this happen?” “It isn’t fair.” “Mom, I love you.” came out in waves. No need to ask for details when the “C” word is involved, right? Rest assured my sister, Brooke, was there on the phone as well to provide comforting words and reassurance that all would be okay. It has to be okay. My mom is too strong and too great for this to not be okay.

Monday morning my husband, Chris, and I woke up at 3:00 A.M. to drive three and a half hours to hike up Hanging Lake. Hanging Lake is one of the prettiest hikes I’ve ever been on, with a waterfall that will make your mouth drop. The entire time Chris and I were hiking I thought, “Wow, how majestic is this place? Oh wait, my mom still has cancer.” I couldn’t not think about my mom having to endure chemo, be tired, uncomfortable, anxious, etc. I kept wondering why this had to happen to her. I kept thinking about all of the things she would miss out on, how my dad would be lost without her, and all the lies the enemy tries to feed us.

BUT GOD. Two words that change and wipe away all of the negative thoughts out of my mind. When there is doubt, uneasiness, anxiety, etc. there is Truth that we will cling to. His Truth. Plastered on my mom’s bathroom mirror to see first thing when she wakes up every morning.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

– Isaiah 41:10

We will not fear, and we will have HOPE in the Lord, because with Him all things are possible. Join us in prayer as my sweet mom will begin her first (of nine) round of chemo on Tuesday. She’s a fighter, ya’ll. How could you not be with these two cuties by your side?