When Hope is Lost
I hear the whisper underneath your breath
I hear you whisper,
you have nothing left
She said, “We aren’t to that point yet,” regarding my dad retiring in order to take care of my sick mother. My mom then went on to say how eventually the time would come when my dad would have to take care of her, she just knew it. I wondered to myself, “Has my mom begun to accept and find peace in the realization that her disease might bring her to eternity earlier than she had planned?” Doubt. Has she given up hope that our Lord can heal her? Panic ran through my body after interpreting my mothers words as acceptance of defeat. I countered with the fact that only our God knows the number of our days, and that she could still go into remission permanently. Throughout my mom’s battle with cancer, I have always strived to remain hopeful and positive. There has been a longing and anticipation that she will be cured. However, this second go ‘round has been much more of a challenge to remain uplifting, and I have had to ask the Lord to help me with my unbelief more times than I’d like to admit. I never want to put Him inside of a box, and limit what He is capable of. Tonight, when I opened a new book I am reading, None Like Him by Jen Wilkin, her words jumped out at me. You know when you see or read something that speaks directly to you? Boom! Her words were it:
“The God of the Bible is infinite—immeasurable, unquantifiable, uncontainable, unbound, utterly without limit. We cannot take the full measure of him no matter how hard we may try. We cannot confine him to a physical or mental boundary. We cannot control him, and we can never stack up favorably beside him.”
Our God is infinite, meaning He is limitless, endless, impossible to calculate. He is boundless and never-ending. The Lord of the universe is all-knowing and I find myself struggling to fully trust in Him without desiring complete control. Certain life situations have brought me to the realization of how small and limited I am in determining the outcomes. I truly have to lay my fears, failures, and doubt at the feet of Jesus. Thankfully, our God is not hidden. He is visible all around in the landscape of His creation; the depths of the ocean, the height of the tips of mountains, colors of Autumn leaves, and the immaculate taste of food are some of the ways the Lord presents Himself. We only receive a small glimpse of who He is in the details of His creation, but in those precise attributes, we realize how intricately our lives have been planned out.
Wilkin went on to list scripture from Job 11:7-9
“Can you find out the deep things of God? Can you find out the limit of the Almighty? It is higher than heaven—what can you do? Deeper than Sheol—what can you know? It’s measure is longer than the earth and broader than the sea.”
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you
The immeasurable God is the measurer of ALL things. He knows the number of hairs on our head, grains of sand, length and depth of the oceans. Need I go on? He has every intricate detail of creation, including our lives, planned to the second. There is no measurement of time, space, or physical aspect that catches Him off guard. I firmly believe that the Lord knew my mom would be diagnosed with cancer, because He is sovereign, Ruler, and in control of all things. I hold no power or ability to heal my mom, nor change a lot of circumstances I would love to step in and alter the outcome of. For the single mother who had their baby daddy walk out, I cannot bring them back, but God knew you would feel abandoned and alone. Yet, He is there to help you pick up the pieces and be your Rescuer. To the girl who was abused, He endured beating for you and knows your pain. For the girl who thought she had to be someone for a man to accept her, therefore gave herself up fully, only to look back with regret, a God who loves you deeply sees you and knows your every thought. Although, I cannot begin to grasp the limitlessness of God, I can rest assured that He is in control. A God with unbound love for us, desires to know us and to be known. Rest in the fact that a God, who is the perfect Author and Creator, knows your story and is there to guide you along the way.
“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand and marked off the heavens with a span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure and weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance? Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord, or what man shows him his counsel?”
God is our Advocate
During the darkest times when we need a Rescuer, it is then that He reveals more of Himself, and just how little control we have. Rather than accepting defeat in our darkest hours, we must realize that we are not God. Only He is able to deliver and heal us entirely from any sickness, struggle with sin, that might be leading us into the desert.
I will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight
It’s true, I will rescue you
Regardless if our rescue is into His arms in Heaven, or here on earth, our God is fighting for us daily. In every season, the good and bad, He is there advocating for us. Rest in the fact that He is chasing after you, right now. Circling back around to my mom’s current situation, I understand reality of statistics for Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer and that they say there is only time, BUT God. Remember that huge BUT in your hardest struggle today. You are loved and cared for deeply.
For those who have been following along my mom’s journey, we ask for prayers for complete healing. Her side effects this time around have included nausea, restless nights, and headaches specifically her first week when she receives three drugs in one day. Going into the holiday in anticipation of Christ’s return, we long for a pain free holiday for my mom.
Song lyrics by Lauren Daigle
“Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders?